How You Were Taught to Love
Praise is to Allah and may the peace and blessings of Allah be upon the noble soul of the prophet, his companions and the followers of their rightly guided path till the day of judgement.
You would wonder if you ever learnt about love. Was it at school or at a religious gathering?
Most of us went through an un-organised institute we were taught about love and how to love.
You remember Titanic, Romeo and Juliet. Yes! You can hardly erase their sojourn from your memory.
The beauty and the beast was about love between an animal and his meal.
The Cinderella’s shoe story showed us a prince’s love for a maidservant.
Dead Snow white of the seven dwarfs had a prince fall in love with her in her coffin.
Another prince charming fell in love with and had to kiss sleeping beauty back to life.
Oh! I forgot Shrek, Love don’t cost a thing, high school musicals and the Diego and Paloma like soap operas.
Are you falling in?
The local filming industry also had their share of teaching us love.
Do you still find it hard to believe you were taught? It will take reading some episodes to believe that.
Why is this topic so important?
It’s a fact I learnt; WHAT YOU LEARNT ABOUT LOVE DETERMINES YOUR LOVE LIFE.
Your LOVE LIFE = why you love, how you love and how you expect to be loved.
The above fact makes the issue more of concern if you acknowledge most of us that witnessed those films are now springing into marriages.
Behind the Jilbaab and bearing the beards are these secret instincts, many have not been evicted.
Some evicted them, but it takes knowing the aftermath of those instincts to know if we have evicted them or not.
1. WHY/WHAT YOU LOVE.
The general rule, according to that institute of love learning is, “LOVE IS UNEXPLAINABLE”
In fact, some hold it as a social norm; a thing you just feel when you hit maturity at any age.
“It’s unexplainable”. Many times people turn down people (you know what I mean). He is religious, this and that but there is one unexplainable thing missing; love.
She can’t say why! The love is not just there for him.
It gets deadlier when this love for him/her turns an ultimate compass; no bother for his/her religion.
Sometimes, some people suffer in relationships. These relationships torment them religiously, emotionally and physically but they never leave, claiming to have dived (not fall) into love and can’t retrace their lost steps. Don’t blame them, they sacrificed religion for love.
The deadliest of all is the myth of Cupid (their god of love). That’s SHIRK, dear. To believe a god controls love is SHIRK. It is the secret behind the heart and arrow symbol. It is believed that cupid shoots his arrow in people’s heart to make them fall in love.
You remember the popular love-at-first sight deception.
Ah! Yes! You do! The whole from-the-first-day-I-set-my-eyes-on-you saga.
Women got used by that theory.
But it’s funny when the guy falls in love the first day (of course with a beautiful girl) and he has to keep wooing her till one day she would eventually consider his strive.
Follow this through!
They (he and she) never met each other. But independently, they have lived the same life. Same taste, class, profession, likes and hates.
They meet each other for the first time, won’t they fall in love? The easiest thing to smell is your kind.
It’s a simple algorithm. You have had things you admire from a partner; those attributes have been with you your whole life. At the first moment you ascertain he/she has those attributes, you are gone in love.
It’s stupid I mention these misconceptions without feeding in the right ideology about love.
Allah -exalted He is- says:
وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُمْ مِنْ أَنْفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُمْ مَوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً إِنَّ فِي ذَلِكَ لَآيَاتٍ لِقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ
In Englishn (Interpretation of the meaning),
And of His signs is that He created for you mates from your own selves that you may take comfort in them, and He ordained affection and mercy between you. There are indeed signs in that for a people who reflect.
Abdullah b. ‘Amr b. al-‘As reported that he heard Allah’s Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying: Verily, the hearts of all the sons of Adam are between the two fingers out of the fingers of the Compassionate Lord as one heart. He turns that to any (direction) He likes. Then Allah’s Messenger (May peace be upon him) said: 0 Allah, the Turner of the hearts, turn our hearts to Thine obedience.
Love and affection are controlled by Allah and not the fictional cupid.
Ash-Shaykh ‘Abdu Ar-Rahman As-S’adyy in explanation of the names( Ar-Rahmaan, Ar-Raheem, Al-Barr, Al-Kariim , Al-Jawwad , Al-Wahaab and Ar-Rauuf ) of Allah mentioned five out of the ways Allah has been merciful to his slaves.
He expantiated, in his book Fathu-l-Maliki Al-‘Allaam …, the five are:
He brings good and wards away evil
He has made his creations merciful to each other, even the animals
The bad things that happens to his slaves are from his mercy (as they are for another good)
The shari’ah is from his mercy (as it’s for our benefit)
He made his do’s easy (though disliked by the soul) and his don’ts difficult with aftermaths (though beloved to the soul).
Ash-Shaykh Solih bn ‘Abdillah Al-‘Usoymii quoted,
O, son of Adam! You are extremely weak. You don’t have control over your soul. Today you love somebody, tomorrow you hate him and you could hate him today and love him tomorrow! As you can’t control your own soul, you are extremely weak.
Love is by Allah.
But Allah has made love and hatred for people have causes.
You have read over a thousand words now.
See you next EPISODE.
 Surah Room:21
 [Saheeh Muslim The book of Destiny Book 33 Hadeeth 6418]