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My Husband Despises Me and Wishes to Divorce Me

Question:

I am a married mistress with children, but my husband does not love me, rather he despises me and is thinking of divorcing me. He has three children. I want a solution?

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Answer: By Sheikh Mashoor Hassan Aal-Salmaan

“Is it permissible for a person to say about himself: ‘I am a master’?”

The master is a person whom Allaah elevated and elevated his lineage. The master is from the (prophet’s) household; elevated in deeds and lineage.

Today, in the secular settings, the fornicatress is called a mistress. This (term) should not be used for every woman but I don’t intend our sister, I ask Allaah to protect her. I am only speaking from the angle of teaching not from the angle of belittling our sister the questioner.

A person says: I am master so-and-so. Some of our brothers who are young students of knowledge say to you: “I am sheikh so-and-so”.

You are not a sheikh, mention your name.

We were once in the house of one of our well-known brothers among the students of knowledge in our country – Sheikh Albany was present- and it was during the days of the land phone. The phone rang, he (the brother) picked the receiver and our sheikh heard this person (and he was a well-known student) saying:

“I am sheikh so-and-so”.

Sheikh Albany said to him;

“Don’t say I am sheikh, say I am so-and-so.”

We had a telephone which had a recorder, many times I hear  messages with the voice of our sheikh, Albany, – may Allaah have mercy on him- saying;

“I am so-and-so”.

So, the basic principle is that a person should humble himself and he should not say about himself; I am a master. However, it is good if Allaah combines lineage, knowledge and piety in a person and the people say about him; master so-and-so, this is good because we have been commanded to put people in their rightful position.

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Now Answer to the Question

I have no magical solution of two words or a prayer for you to say to him.

Some of the common people say:

Sheikh, do you know a prayer for my husband to love me?

I swear by Allaah, I have no prayer, and there is no prayer in the sheree’ah for your husband to love you.

The messenger of Allaah said:

Marry the loving and fruitful women for indeed I will boast with your population before the other nations on the day of resurrection

As-Silsilah Saheehah by Sheikh Albany.

 

Basically, the wife should be loving, appealing and causing happiness to her husband; she obeys him, whenever he sees her he sees her adorned and beautified, she should be appealing to him.

I am surprised in every way at a person who has a wife and can’t make her inclined to him, and a woman who has a husband and can’t make him inclined to her.

Humans are weak, the coming together of a man and woman in a place, irrespective of the place, there is a natural inclination. By instinct, a man inclines to a woman and a woman inclines to a man.

….[1]

So your husband detests you; search for the cause, help your husband be chaste, your chastity is for yourself and husband. It is one of the acts of obedience (to Allaah). Many of our sisters do not realise that it is an act of obedience (to Allaah).

We met with some of our brothers during hajj at makkah and some sisters ask saying:

My husband is not shameful, he wants intercourse in Makkah.

The woman is not like the man, where is the problem in a man wanting intercourse with his wife in makkah? Does this nullify the worship (of hajj)? It does not go against worship.

Our scholars say:

Every desire causes the heart to harden except the desire of intercourse. Rather it purifies the blood and doesn’t harden the heart. This was how the prophet (commendations and peace of Allaah be upon him) was.

The point of reference in the narrations is that: the man is naturally inclined to a woman.

So you –my sister- adorn yourself for your husband and make yourself appealing to him and make yourself loving to him, don’t spare an effort and help your husband remain chaste. This is one of the acts of worship and one of the acts of obedience.


Friday Fatawa Sitting

20-Rajab- 129 AH

6-4-2018 Gregorian date

Link to fatwa

[1] The three dots show that some parts were omitted. Reasons for immission include: difficulty in conveying the meaning to English accurately, erased part could be a digression from the topic and would take time to translate etc. However, we don’t erase any part that will distort the meaning of the text.  And Allaah alone we ask for assistance.

5 Replies to “My Husband Despises Me and Wishes to Divorce Me”

  1. Jazakumullahu Khairan, the Shaykh mentioned a point I’d like to raise a question on. Is he permissible for a person on ihram to have intercourse with their partners?!

    1. Aameen wa iyyaakum. Its indeed a very good question.
      A person is not allowed to have intercourse while in the state of Ihraam. What the sheikh is saying here is that there is nothing bad in a couple having intercourse in the city of makkah before or after they begin their hajj rites.
      Afterall people lived in makkah during the time of the prophet (commendations and peace of Allaah be upon him) and there’s no report that couples used to travel out of makkah to have intercourse.

      However, we must say that illegitimate intercourse in makkah is more grievous than in any other part of the world.
      Hope that answers the question.
      Allaah know best

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